I am puke
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
