The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
