You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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