He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
