he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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