too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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