you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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