sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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