I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
