I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
