can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
