i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Randomize
