haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
