I have demons in me.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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