I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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