We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
