Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
