I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
