We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
