she looked like the before picture.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
