My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
