the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
