I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
