Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
