the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Watching her eat just hurts me
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
