I'm lost and stupid without you.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
