why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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