I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
