Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
only you would photoshop your dick
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
