Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
