TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
