Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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