i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
