I will die if light touches me.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
