We named our party play list daddy issues
accomplished twins. life is a go
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
