My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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