He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
