she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
