I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
