I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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