i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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