me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
