How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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