He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
