i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
