Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
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