Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
