dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's official drugs can't kill me
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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