i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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