she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
