Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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