All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
