After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It was confusing and full of hummus
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
