Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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