I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You may now shotgun with the bride
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
