my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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