I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I am one with the molecules
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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